You expect certain things from hotel rooms. A bed. A pillow. Towels. Please God, a good internet connection. Some form of caffeine.
I travel a lot and it’s astounding to me how often hotels strive to keep me caffeine free. I don’t operate well as a non-caffeinated person. And by “don’t operate well”, I mean that I have lie very still in a dark room without moving to prevent my head from exploding into a million tiny pieces.
I suppose I should keep a stash of those tea-like bags of coffee with me at all times, just in case of a caffeine emergency, but has the world really been reduced to that? I would gladly forgo the hair dryer and alarm clock if it’s a matter of a limited quota of electrical appliances.
Clearly, the lack of in-room coffee makers is a ploy to get me to order a pot of room service coffee, such as I did this morning. And at $14, including tax, tip, and room service charge, it was worth every penny. The most hilarious explanation I got for lack of in room coffee accoutrements was during Pubcon Vegas last year. A hotel employee claimed that the rooms used to have coffee markers, but found that the electrical bills were too high. I listened to this as I gazed at the billions of blinking lights burning bright in the casino. I’m sure that coffee makers just put the electrical bill right over the top.
In New York last week, I had a different caffeine crisis. My room had a coffee maker, but it was entirely stocked with decaf coffee packets. What cruel trick was that, lulling me into a false sense of caffeinated security?
In a pinch, I can make due with the $5 cans of diet coke in the minibar. And if the room has neither coffee nor minibar? I’m faced with a desolate hopelessness that tears at my very soul. I make the trek to the lobby, the bar, the lounge, the restaurant, an elusive starbucks, anywhere, anywhere I might find a caffeinated beverage. I trudge along in my pajamas and slippers, anxiously searching for that liquid elixir of life.
I don’t remember if the Hilton NY has in-room coffee. I’m pretty sure it does. But if not, you may see me one morning next week, wandering the hotel halls, a look of loss and confusion on my face. And if you do, if you could just kindly point me in the direction of the coffee, I would be forever grateful.